Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Driver’s ed

I’m a good driver.

Seriously, I am.

I’m the beautiful harmony of safe-yet-efficient on the road. I observe the zipper principle (when two lanes narrow into one, you take turns merging with your fellow drivers in adjacent lane). I give those turning into traffic a chance to pull out. I get a small high from the warm-hearted hand wave saying, “Thank you, lady! Giving me the chance to pull out of this here gas station before next Tuesday has TOTALLY made my day!” I don’t run red lights…but I also don’t stick it to the drivers behind me by slowing to a snail’s pace when I see yellow. (There’s not much worse than a hyper-safe driver who stuffs you up by making you miss the light because they drop to 5 miles/hour as soon as the light goes amber.) I have never hit a cat, dog, or anything that breathes for that matter. I can parallel park my SUV or truck in a way that makes my tractor-driving dad proud.

I’m a good driver.

So imagine my surprise when last week, as I’m merrily driving along, I hear honking followed the sound of an engine gunned, then see a car rocket in front of me. I mean, this is the City, and people drive a little more recklessly than in the ‘burbs, but you still wonder “what the…?” The light turns red; we all stop. Then I see the driver of this car get out and seemingly approach mine. What?! I’ll be honest: my mind went a little blank. I couldn’t figure out what to process first: that I’d found 50 Cent’s long-lost brother, or the fact that I was in the bowels of the City with him approaching me and my car (complete with a tinge of malice).

So, apparently I cut him off. (Between you and me, I beg to differ. Especially as he wound up in front of me.) Figuring a battle of logic wasn’t going to help me out of this situation, I just apologized and made sure my doors were still locked.

** Quick PSA: immediately apologizing stuns aggressive people. They can’t do much with an apology except repeat it really loudly on their way back to their own car. It might sound something along the lines of, “That’s right you're sorry. Stupid lady driver. You’d better be sorry, cuttin’ me off. Open your eyes...Sorry ass driving...blah, blah, blah...” **

Did I mention that my kids were in the backseat during all this? Yeah, that makes this all the better.

“Mom, why was that man yelling at you?”

“Well, he was concerned that Mommy wasn’t driving safely, and he wanted to come over and remind me to be careful.”

“He seemed really mad.”

“No, baby. He was just worried I wasn’t being as safe as I should be.”

“Oh.”

I’m guessing a split screen conversation with my do-rag-wearing guardian angel wouldn’t have featured the same explanation or choice of words.

Still, I maintain I’m a good driver.

And then I got this two days later.


My guess is that Husband’s going to be teaching the kids how to drive.

3 comments:

The mad woman behind the blog said...

WOOPS! And that clearly wasn't taken in the city.

I just caught your comment on another blog and thought I'd come over and take a lookie.

DON'T move to Orinda! (I work here and SNOOOOOOZE!)

I'm going to take a look around now, if you don't mind.

AiringMyLaundry said...

Ooopsie!!

Diane J. said...

LOL, oh my gosh, that's too funny. Okay, it's freaky too and I'm glad all worked out well, but still funny how you explained it to your children.

As for your husband teaching the kids to drive...well, if he's anything like my husband it won't happen. My husband still let me do all the teaching even after this: http://contentedlyneurotic.blogspot.com/2009/07/totall-awkward-tuesday-horrible-mom.html

I don't usually include links in my comments, but it explains whey my husband SHOULD have put in some effort teaching our teen boy to drive.